Reset + Reclaim your Reward Pathways

What a full year on a low dopamine diet has created in my life + how you can do it too

Dec 29, 2023

Just over a year ago I was sitting in my brightly lit and well-decorated home in Denver thinking to myself, “What the actual fuck am I doing with my life?” I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was so much more to life than what I was experiencing on a daily basis.

This time of year has always been a bit interesting to me. I didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas. In college, I would wrap all my finals, receive my straight-A report card, then came home to … do puzzles. It wasn’t exactly an exciting time, but I did need the rest.

As I got older, I started spending the holidays with whomever I was seeing at the time and their family. Experiencing Christmas through the lens of other people’s families was fascinating. I got to put on my Anthropologist hat for a week or so at a time. It was fun. It was playful. Most importantly, it was time off of work.

Last year, however, was painful.

I had ruined my four-month sobriety streak on the eve of my wedding. I avoided alcohol on the actual day of, but since I had already broken my streak, I took it upon myself to ‘indulge’ for the rest of October, all of November, and into the first part of December.

I had finally had enough. I declared this was it. I was getting sober.

I was done with booze.

Done with recreational drugs.

Done with the highs and lows.

Super done with the hangovers, and ultimately, done with living my life in this way.

Done being a high performer that constantly felt empty.

Done being polished all the time.

Done trying to save the day and keep people happy.

Done focusing on everything except what needed my attention most: me.

And so I was.

With the help of a talented therapist I armed myself for several hard conversations. I declared to my parents that I had a drinking problem. They didn’t agree, but understood my desire to get healthy. They were in full support. Hooray!

One down. Two to go.

I expressed the same to my bestie. She also didn’t agree, but asked how she could support. For our book club meetings, should they be booze free? For our dinners, can the others drink? Should we stop doing night stuff and go on more hikes? What non-alcoholic beverages do I fancy? What should she keep stocked in her fridge for when I visit? She asked thoughtful, helpful questions. She also invited me to consider this doesn’t have to be my ‘final’ decision. If I mess up, that is okay. If I change my mind, that is also okay. If I need more help, I need only ask. She was brilliant, as per usual.

Boom. One more.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from my conversation with Mike, but I decided to take a more firm stance. It wasn’t a decision I was making. It was a line I was drawing in the sand. Under no circumstance, whatsoever, should there be drugs of any kind in our home. Booze is fine, but I wouldn’t be partaking in it. If we go to a party and we see drugs, we’re leaving. If someone brings drugs to our house, they will be asked to leave. Immediately.

This was not up for debate or discussion. This was happening.

I realize now that I put him in a pretty tough spot.

I explained why in greater detail, inviting him into a conversation I, frankly, didn’t want to have. A conversation about my family’s mental health history and why that increases the stakes of doing drugs that much higher. I understood immediately that he had lost his drinking buddy overnight. The fun girl he married had decided to get stone cold sober.

What a buzzkill. What a total shock to the system. To the life we’d been co-creating. It was a lot.

To his credit, he took it like a champ. He supported me fully. When I told him I had already disposed of any temptation that might be hidden in our home, he didn’t bat an eye. He did pull his gaze toward the full rack of wine bottles to his left and then to our booze collection to his right. Those were fine. I wouldn’t be pouring them down the drain. Furthermore, he could continue drinking to his heart’s desire.

Here is what I thought would happen when I got sober:

I thought I might struggle for the first few weeks, since we were going to Cozumel for our honeymoon. I could easily picture lime-topped Mexican lagers and high-end margaritas being passed around while I sipped on a Diet Coke.

I thought I’d become a bit of a hermit. Most of our social engagements centered around food and drink. Often in our home but just as frequently in funky restaurants and bars around town. I didn’t want to be in these places. It seemed like the temptation would be too high.

I foresaw awkward conversations about getting sober. Feeling like an outcast or weirdo. I wasn’t worried so much about people’s judgments, but I didn’t want to feel … othered.

I expected my cravings for sugar to increase.

This and more I could foresee.

It is what I couldn’t foresee that I want to share with you today.

Here’s what actually happened:

Much of the above came to fruition. Parts of the Cozumel trip were very challenging. Of the eight nights we spent on our honeymoon, five of them were drenched in rain. Folks were taking shots of high-end tequila, laughing, and having what looked to be a grand old time. Mike and I were playing Rumy 500 between courses. True to my word, I refused all offers of booze. True to his word, he stayed by my side.

I felt like an old lady. I was extremely self-conscious, and I could barely take myself away from the highly captivating sober lit books I was reading. Ones like Sunshine Warm Sober by Catherine Gray.

But, it was barely more than a week. When we got home, we were more than thrilled to curl up on the couch for the foreseeable future.

Hermit life suited me. I could control everything I consumed. I could control most of the things that happened during the day. I could shield myself from harmful media. I could pick and choose what I wanted at any given moment. I couldn’t control work, but c’est la vie.

This highly cultivated environment was just what I needed for this stage. It was harder on Mikey, but he was kind and generous. He didn’t even opt to go out with his friends unless I had something scheduled with my people. I never asked him to do this, but he went out of his way to not leave me out.

The conversations, however, were nothing like what I had imagined. Almost everyone I spoke to was impressed. They shared how much they wished they could leave booze behind. They asked tons of questions. We swapped NA drink recipes. They were encouraging. Sweet. Tender. Curious.

Me expressing that “I don’t drink anymore” seemed to unlock pathways to much deeper relationships with people across my network. I shared something vulnerable with them, and in turn, they opened up to me. It was beautiful. No awkwardness. No othering. Just love, acknowledgement, respect, and appreciation.

The sugar stuff, however, was not so delightful. I knew that booze eventually turned to sugar, so dropping the booze would increase my cravings. What I didn’t realize was just how much. Luckily, I received some sage wisdom from a pro in this space that went a little like this: don’t fucking worry about it. This phase would eventually come to an end, and it is far more important to maintain sobriety than to worry about one’s waistline. Done and done. Eventually, I would come to face my sugar demons. But during the early days, it simply wasn’t my priority.

This was about the time I got super curious about what else was happening inside my body as a result of this single change. It isn’t often in life that we change one thing at a time, a bit like a scientist would if testing a hypothesis. I started reading book after book and listening to countless podcasts. I became a little obsessed.

Somewhere along the way I stumbled onto dopamine-related literature. I thought I knew all I needed to know about dopamine’s role in addiction.

In a way, I did. It is pretty simple.

The more dopamine produced in relation to a behavior or substance the more addictive the behavior or substance is to an individual. Not everyone responds the same way, which makes it a little tricker, but net net it is pretty simple.

It is also far more complex. I really want to be surprised that I had overlooked some of the most obvious pieces of the puzzle, but I’m not. Even though I had been trained as a scientist and spent years researching the impact of human behavior on our hormones, I must have pushed this information into the far recesses of my mind.

I wasn’t thinking about hormones or neurotransmitters. I was thinking about not drinking. Not drugging. Not slipping.

While I was focused on not messing up, I forgot about the body’s innate desire to achieve homeostasis at all times. Therefore, it isn’t just dopamine we have to take into consideration. We must also consider what the body does when trying to correct for the spike of dopamine. Namely, in response to dopamine that is released after consuming even a single glass of wine, we dump cortisol and adrenaline into our system. Neither of these are ‘bad’ hormones. They just are. Cortisol is actually a good thing in many circumstances. Same for adrenalin.

But what isn’t so delightful is the rollercoaster ride we subject our bodies and brains to when drinking. We crack open a bottle of cold beer, have a few sips, feel a sense of ‘ease’ seep through us, then get hit with a dopamine spike.

Then a dump of cortisol and adrenaline. Except, we get more cortisol and more adrenaline than dopamine. To counteract the spike, it goes a little overboard.

Another beer … dopamine, cortisol, adrenaline.

A shot of tequila … dopamine, cortisol, adrenaline.

A nightcap … dopamine, cortisol, adrenaline.

And so it goes.

Have you ever woken up after a long night of drinking with your heart practically pumping out of your body? This is all that adrenaline. It has a longer shelf life than dopamine. Your body is in an elevated state for hours and hours, long after you stopped drinking.

It might seem like you sleep better after a glass or two of wine, but that isn’t usually true. It is more closely associated with passing out than sleep, which I think we can all agree isn’t super cute or good for you.

So, here I am, a few weeks into my sobriety getting re-acquainted with the world of dopamine. My mind was pretty much blown. I go down a rabbit hole of learning about activities and substances that tend to produce lower levels of dopamine in most adult humans. I curate a list. I start comparing this list to what I do on a regular basis. For the most part, I’m golden. I’ve already eliminated the activities and substances that produce the highest response.

In effect, I’ve put myself on a low dopamine diet. I don’t yet know what this means, but I know I’m two weeks into a powerful journey.

Here are some activities and substances that generally result in a lot of dopamine being released into the system:

Amphetamines
Cocaine
Heroin
Alcohol
Nicotine
Sex
Sugar
Shopping
Social Media
Gaming
Gambling
Sexting
Texting
Checking alerts of pretty much any kind

As a way of comparing these, sex tends to increase an individual’s dopamine level 100 units above their baseline. Alcohol something like 100-200. Nicotine the same. Cocaine much higher, ranging from 100-350. Meth (an amphetamine) higher still at a shocking 1000. Sugar is closer to 50. These will vary by person, but it helps to get a general sense for the impact of these behaviors and substances.

On the flip side, the below list of substances and behaviors generally produce low level of dopamine as compared to the baseline:

Working out
Playing an instrument
Drawing
Taking a hot shower
Exposure to cold water
Having a chat
Writing
Meditating
Watching the sunset
Being in ‘flow’
Learning a new skill
Creating art of pretty much any kind

Here is the big lesson: if our brains are constantly being flooded with dopamine (and dopamine’s companion hormones) it is really fucking hard for us to enjoy the little things in life.

Going for a walk seems super fucking lame as compared to going to a rock show where you’ll be slamming shots of whiskey and doing bumps of coke in the bathroom.

Even if you intellectually understand that having a meaningful conversation with your partner is pleasant, your brain may not actually register it as such. That is why you find yourself worrying about who has texted or emailed you while trying to connect with your partner over dinner. Looking at your phone likely creates a bigger dopamine response than listening closely to what your partner has to say about their day at the office.

Uh oh.

Big fucking uh oh.

Dopamine at such extreme levels actually robs us of true joy. When I realized this, my entire perspective shifted. Fuck sobriety. I’m seeking a full throttle low dopamine lifestyle.

I want to be able to experience every ounce of joy that feeling the sunshine on my face has to offer. I want to look forward to connecting with my husband after work. I want to enjoy lazy mornings by the fire with a good book. I want to experience bliss as I walk my dogs around my neighborhood. I want to cherish the crunching of gravel underneath my feet.

There are so many beautiful things in this world to cherish that are basically inaccessible to us when we’re inundated with activities and substances that douse us in dopamine.

How many hugs have I taken for granted?

How many bids for connection have I missed?

How many conversations have I been half-present for?

I can only assume the answer is countless. I’ve been drinking since I was 16 years old. That means over half of my life I’ve spent in a dopamine haze. Now, it wasn’t always every day. At least for a while. But then it became an every day kind of thing.

A glass of wine while I cooked dinner. Dopamine. Cortisol. Adrenaline.

A second glass while I ate dinner. Dopamine. Cortisol. Adrenaline.

Maybe a third as I took a bath. Dopamine. Cortisol. Adrenaline.

This doesn’t even take into consideration the fact that I’ve been exposed to high dopamine inducing behaviors all fucking day at work. How many email notifications did I receive? How many pings? How many phone calls? How many ‘urgent’ and ‘important’ requests?

It is amazing I could even stand up straight. I was completely immersed in a world of dopamine all day every day for years.

Y E A R S

Until … I wasn’t.

I got sober on December 11, 2023. As I write this today, I’m just over a year into my sobriety. I call it sobriety for short, since pretty much no one knows what a low dopamine lifestyle is or, frankly, cares.

Unless, of course, they do.

Are you one of these people?

Has this stirred up a bit of curiosity for you? Are you hungering for more information? Are you keen to learn even just a little more?

I’m launching a novel program in 2024 that could knock your fucking socks off.

Keep me Informed

Until then, I have a little gift for you.

I invite you to take a pulse check of what kind of dopamine you have coursing through your own system right now. It will help you understand what activities and substances are most relevant to you in your life, plus give you a better understanding of how far you might be from a low dopamine lifestyle.

How far you might be from appreciating the smell of a baby’s head.

How far you might be from joyfully soaking up the late afternoon rays.

Take a Pulse Check

After a full year of a low dopamine lifestyle, I’m delighted to share some key results:

My anxiety has reduced almost to zero
My suicidal thoughts have completely dissipated
I no longer need to 'take the edge off'
My relationship with my hubby is 10x better
I've lost weight and feel super strong
My skin is practically flawless (most of the time)
I'm available for my people when they need me
I've found my purpose in life
I've stepped into my power
I’ve rediscovered true joy
I've written my first book and started a business

As you are reflecting on 2023 and preparing for 2024, I invite you to consider a low dopamine lifestyle. I have a hunch that you could replace all of your New Years’ resolutions across all areas of your life and see better, longer-lasting results with this one shift.

Want to do better at work? This will help.
Want to improve your relationship with your partner? This will help.
Want to meet the love of your life? This will help.
Want to get in better shape? This will help.
Want to sleep better? This will help.
Want to have better, more passionate sex? This will help.

Do you have something in mind for 2024 that a low dopamine lifestyle wouldn’t help? Drop it in the comments.

Brooke Leavitt

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